Chat “Dopies”: Round Up The Usual Suspects!
6/18/01Let me preface this commentary with a few disclaimers before opening my mouth to swap out feet:
1- Most of those who go to Karma Chat DO NOT qualify as "Dopies"! A majority of Rick’s fan base are hardworking, interesting, and well adjusted folk who have developed a tight knit Fan Community that stands as a testament to all of Rickdom. In fact I cannot recall a closer, more caring community in all of my Cyber Travels.
2- My comments hereafter are not meant to target any one individual, however if in reading this you feel I am describing you specifically, then perhaps you may want to re-evaluate your own "Dopie" potential in Chat or on the Forum. Certain lesser forms of "Dopie"ness can be experienced by any fan at any time, myself included. The only ax I have to grind is with bad behavior and not with any particular individual.
3- All Chat communities I have known suffer to one degree or another from “Chat Dopies” and I have come to realize they are a perennial problem, sort of like ... oh say, ants at a picnic. You know they are going to be there but the lure of a good time is stronger then the aversion to pests. When you consider the total openness of the Internet it stands to reason that a certain percentage of the hundreds of people who log onto any community will statistically suffer in some way from ... how can I put this ... "issues".
4- This is my theory *ahem*, that is to say, this is the theory that is mine ... LOL. This essay expresses only my opinion. I am solely responsible for it's content and stand completely accountable for every word. I make no apologies for it. If you are offended by this essay, don't read it. Pretty Simple - Click!
5- While you may find certain aspects of this Op-Ed humorous, make no mistake ... I am absolutely serious about the issues raised here.
This past May saw my 1 year anniversary in Karma Chat. Over the course of my cyber life since 1997 however, I have posted on Forums on varying topics, used every conceivable chat software known to man, and encountered enough people to populate RAHP, 10SC many times over. Suffice it to say that I have a respectable background in the world of Online Communication. Of all off these Chat rooms I must commend Karma Chat for being by far the sanest and well managed of those that I have personally encountered. Oh sure, every once in awhile there are some technical glitches, like when everybody partakes of "Das Bootage", or we are visited by the dreaded “Internal Server Error” Fairy, but by and large it works pretty much the way it ought to. Through the tireless efforts of the Webmistress @ rickspringield.com we enjoy the nightly fellowship of our Rick Community without notable incident. As with any online communities however, there are those of our brethren who bring a little something "extra" to the mix, they being the “Chat Dopies”. The “Dopies” seem to feel compelled to visit their odd little pathologies on us at fairly regular intervals, but as of today no one has actually sat down and endeavored to give their unique little world any symmetry, so to that end this is my report from the trenches. Let us start by defining exactly what the acronym “Dopies” means:Drama Queens
Obsessed & Deluded
Propaganda Miesters
Impostors & Attention Seekers
Egotists & Posers
Secret AgentsDrama Queens (Ya Wanna Little Cheese With That Ham)?
Anyone who has ever seen the original incarnation of Star Trek has marveled over Wm Shatner's ability to not only eat the scenery, but his innate talent for emoting above and beyond ... say your average Kabuki actor. In Karma Chat we have our own devoted “Shatneresque” little group who are a singularly dedicated to performances of high drama. Theirs is a world filled with melodramatic theatrics and endless tales of woe that would make Wm Shakespeare's tragedies read like "Chicken Soup for the Soul". Now don’t get me wrong ... I see no problem whatsoever with someone occasionally venting about a problem in chat. To some extent that is part of the complex bond that forms in any online community. I am talking instead about the individual for whom life seems to be an endless series of harrowing crisis that always seem to land smack dab in the middle of your conversation about Rick’s butt and what not. We in Karma Chat, goodhearted bunch that we are, want to help anyone in need, (I can personally attest to this fact), but to this end there are certain subjects that just seem entirely inappropriate for a Fan based chat. Detailed litanies of a husband’s adulterous affair with the cleaning lady resulting in his shooting up crack and backing the car over the family dog being one of ‘em. While this may sound like an exaggeration, but I have personally witnessed instances where someone has attempted to exploit the good nature of Rick Fans by presenting such extraordinary dilemmas in an open chat room. With all of the wonderful resources available on the Internet I cannot help but feeling that there is an "Adulterous DWI Driving Crack Smoking Husbands Who Runs Over Rover" Forum out there somewhere. An even simpler solution would of course be to use a more appropriate venue such as email to discuss it with a friend privately.Some Drama Queens simply overreact to everything. Anything they perceive as a slight or being ignored, however unintentional, will trigger a barrage of annoyed posts to the room. Oblivious to the fact that their banter is often off topic or just plain oddball, they will confront the room with blustering indignation, even though in doing so they simply alienate their fellow chatters and illicit what can be best described as a Room Ignore. They can be easily spotted in the wild through their excessive use of the CAPLOCK BUTTON! THAT WAY, IN CASE YOUR ATTENTION HAS WANDERED THOUGHTLESSLY TO ANOTHER TOPIC ... SAY RICK SPRINGFIELD PERHAPS, THEY CAN EASILY RECAPTURE IT BY BOMBASTICALLY YELLING AT YOU WITH ALL THE SUBTLETY OF A COLD RECTAL THERMOMETER!
Obsessed & Deluded (Tonight on America’s Most Wanted)!
I love Rick .... anyone who knows me can attest to this being true. HE is the virtual King of my fantasy life, and given any reasonable opportunity I will attend his shows. As a logical consequence, I love to talk about Rick. In one shape or another I generally log on perhaps 5 out of 7 nights and drool over him with like minded friends. We laugh, we joke, we discuss serious aspects of his incredible music and swap Rick stories & pix. Not a bad gig! Occasionally my friends and I actually venture off topic and discuss other things as well, like families, jobs, beliefs, all of those things we cram into our lives between Rick shows ... LOL! We do not live Rick Springfield 24/7 and enjoy well rounded, balanced and happy lives. Alas, however, we have all seen cases where an otherwise seemingly normal member of our community gets a little to caught up in the Rick whirlwind and sadly becomes lost in their own deluded fantasies. Some have notably crossed that line and become infamous Stalkers in Training. Most of these sad individuals will misconstrue any attention Rick gives them during Meet and Greets, such as a warm smile or a hug. Later they will imply that Rick has singled them out in some way and remind you of this , ad nauseum, (see Posers and Egotists).Another sure fire sign of the Obsessed Fan is their inability to function as an independent entity apart from Rick. I think we all have gone out and tried a product we have heard Rick uses. Occasionally we have dropped a lyRick into our sentences. We may even have gone out and purchased a Dragon T or the like. That’s all very fun and part of the gig of being a Fan. I become very concerned, however, with Peeps who would have you believe that they convert totally to these things exclusively in their day-to-day life simply because Rick has mentioned them in a chat or otherwise become identified with them. I suppose they believe that by doing ONLY the things Rick does, eating ONLY the food Rick does, and listening ONLY to the music that Rick does they will in someway align themselves closer to him. And fear not ... they will remind you of this fact copiously when you Chat with them. Last I heard, Rick has a mirror at home and does not require one amongst his fan base! I strongly suspect that these “Stepford Fans” had no sense of themselves beforehand and fail to see that the beauty of Rick's music and his life is to celebrate the unique differences that distinguish each of us as individuals, not cookie cutter doppelgangers of him. Here’s a reality check for those folks or anyone teetering on the edge of unhealthy fandom … Rick is not your boyfriend, he is not going to save you from an unhappy personal life, he does not want you to model your life solely upon his, and he is not coming to your birthday party in spite of your 100 or so mailed invitations to his P.O. Box. Capeesh? An autographed Lmtd edition Restraining Order issued against you is NOT my idea of a viable Rick "keepsake".
Propaganda Miesters (Call Me When the Sky Actually Starts to Fall)!
Did you ever play that game when you were a kid, you know the one where someone whispered a phrase like, "My it's sunny out today", and by the time it had gone around the room it came out as, "The Freaking Proletariat is busting their humps under the yokes of Fascisms to support a Puppet Socialist Regime"? Okay admittedly it was the 60's, but I think you get the general idea. We play a game much like that today, however instead of a small group our circle is a universally accessible Chat Room/Forum where rumors and tall tales play out in 12 point font for a lurking audience that could be anyone from Rick himself to Jerry Springer. It is the Propaganda Meisters sacred & sworn duty to not only repeat rumors and gossip, but to keep them alive long after their normal shelf life has expired.Here's the scenario: Theoretically, lets say a pic of Rick appears on the Elist where he is backlit by a green light. Inevitably there will be a post to the effect of, "Rick's Green Hair?". Naturally rational peeps want to respond so they reply with the Subject line, "Re: Rick's Green hair". Now we see a thread of posts all quite innocently REPEATING the bogus rumor, even though the replies are defiantly oppositional. That dies out ... then a post appears, "Kissing Frogs and Rick's Green Hair". Again a spate of replies, "Re: Kissing Frogs and Rick's Green hair". Finally one of the Moderators will put an end to this foolishness, but the rumor lingers. Now here's where the Hit & Run Rumor Mongers really shine! In chat someone will announce quite out of the blue, (and note the genius here), "I don't care if Rick's hair is green from Kissing Frogs, I still love him!" or the other method, (which usually occurs many weeks or months later), "Hey whatever happened last year when Rick was caught kissing frogs and his hair turned green??? I think we have a right to know! Boy, the Powers the Be sure covered that up quick!". LOL ... of course you might also see a post later on, "I cannot support Rick because of his history with kissing frogs so I am selling all my stuff on Ebay and I am leaving for good"! The funny part is there are actually Good Hearted Souls out there who try to talk them out of it? Go figure ... I say, fire up the ole credit card and go shopping on EBay! But alas, these goodbyes are rarely genuine and they come back ... they ALWAYS come back! BTW - If you hear a rumor tomorrow about Rick kissing frogs and his hair turning green, be sure to credit BoDee's Funhouse ~ Thank you!
Impostors & Attention Seekers: ( I am Rick and other lies )
It is the keen Chat observer who can spot the phony Ricks in the wilds of KarmaChat. Generally they start out very discreet with names like, "Me RICK" or whatever chat name Rick last used in one of his Official Chats. Someone new to the Chat might actually bite ... and why not? Most of the Old Hands know enough about Rick to pull off a convincing impersonation of him or one of the band for a brief time if not properly challenged. In spite of the Moderators assurances that Rick DOES NOT sneak into the chat room unannounced, some simply want to believe that there is somehow a magic source code that protects against anyone logging in under any chat name they choose, including Rick’s. I have even been witness to occasions where an Imposter will open up a 2nd Browser, enter the Chat under their regular Chat name, question the "Me Rick" on behalf of the Newbies, and declare them genuine. Having failed at their Rick impersonation some of these morons have taken to pretending to be Chat Room Regs, the logic of which totally escapes me. These dweebified, unjustified, examples of leftover DNA must get some vicarious thrill out of pretending to be actual Human Beings lacking in sufficient basic social skills of their own to gain any quantum of social acceptance using their own names.Undoubtedly the slimiest and most parasitic of all the Dopies, and IHMO grounds to be banned for life were they caught. I have made it my personal crusade to reveal these Idiots at every opportunity and take tremendous pleasure in unmasking them to be the frauds they are. This kind of claptrap is not harmless! The integrity of the Chat is at stake as well as Rick's reputation with new fans. IMHO .. anyone who tolerates this or keeps silent about it is not worthy to be called a Fan and certainly not someone I would ever call a Friend. If you are out there doing this I will give you this single warning ... I am coming for you!
Then, of course there are your garden variety Attention Seekers who, lacking the imagination of the “Imposter” simply log onto chat with delightful names such as “Gonad Head” or “Farting1”. With all of the charisma of barium enema and the sophistication of a serving spoon, these Losers are the Cyber equivalent of flatulence on the Information Superhighway. Their agenda simply seems to be to be as obnoxious as possible and stand as the single best argument for retroactive birth control I have ever seen. I strongly suspect that these characters troll the Internet in packs and visit Chat rooms in seemingly random fashion. In their offline life these are the same Crackers who break into small scholarly discussion groups after airings of the Dukes of Hazard. All I can say is this … “Thank you God that Karma Chat is not equipped with sound effects or smell-o-vision, because then the Attention Seeker would be virtually impossible to ignore … ifyaknowwhatimeanandithinkyoudo!
Egotists & Posers: (At last ... Proof of the 4th Stooge Theory)!
There are those in our community who have been extremely fortunate to have attended allot of concerts and who have met Rick ... in some cases, multiple times. Most of these folks can be extremely gracious and don't use this as a means of promoting themselves with the Newbies or rub it in to those less fortunate. This section is NOT about them! This section is strictly reserved for the peeps amongst us who make allot of claims not only about meeting and/or knowing Rick, but who also seem intent on foisting some PRETTY tall tales on others. Some of their accounts are extraordinary, especially when you have heard the same story from an impartial 3rd party who had been present at said meeting or encounter. Sadly there are more then a few of these folks who have achieved a high profile in the Community as a result of their selling this bologna to Newbies who, in turn, mistakenly believe these stories and feel the Poser can somehow advance their cause in meeting Rick. Here's a Reality Check for anyone who has fallen victim to the Poser's game ... very few peeps, (and I mean VERY few) are in what you might call, "Rick's Inner Circle".Then there are the “Gifts” ~ It is the most natural thing in the world to want to give something back to someone who has blessed your life. Offering a small token of your affection to Rick is absolutely appropriate. It may be a special memento, a handcrafted item, or perhaps just something that has meaning to you and Rick. The Poser, on the other hand is convinced that they can buy their way backstage with elaborate gifts and tributes. We know this because the Poser will delineate in excruciating detail an inventory of their gifts to anyone within ear shot. Their message to Newbies here is simple - Rick will like you better if you shower him with costly presents. Here's a thumbnail guideline for gifts: If you have sent a gold filigree gift bag backstage at every Rick concert attended containing clothing, expensive chocolates, Superbowl tickets, and the keys to a Ford Explorer yet you cannot afford to change the oil in your own car ... You may be over the top. Spending obscene amts of $$$ on Rick does NOT quantify a "Good Fan" ... it just quantifies piss poor judgment, especially when the fan in question has a family that goes without financially or emotionally. I can only imagine that these folks believe that Rick is for sale, but what they don't understand is this ... it is only THEIR integrity and credibility that is being sold, not Rick's favor. Spending allot of $$$ for Bragging Rights can make you look pretty cheap indeed!
Rick is very generous with his time and extends allot of freedom to his fans. By all accounts he will go out of his way to do Meet and Greets, (even unscheduled ones), and has never to my knowledge put someone off when it was within his power to reach out to them. Having said that, in spite of what a Poser has told you to the contrary, you DO NOT have to align yourself with any one person or group to get an opportunity to meet him and you are under no obligation to pay him expensive tributes. Simple perseverance and allot of phone/leg work should ultimately avail you the chance to meet him. Keep in mind however that he is a private man and can only extend himself so far. He has a personal life and any fan worth their salt should respect some common sense personal boundaries in their quest to meet him.
Well, here endeth the Rant. I hope I haven’t ruffled too many feathers, but if I have so be it. I am certain that aspects of this essay may have seemed overly critical, but quite frankly I am not so much concerned with “not rocking the boat” as I am with improving the quality of our Online Community … so let the Flames Fly! May I recommend that my Critics avail themselves of BoDee’s Flame-O-Matic … LOL! BTW - All flames & nasty emails become property of BoDee’s Funhouse, eligible for posting and riffing so remember to deploy those spellcheckers and print your name really clearly at the bottom of your email.~ Thank you and May God Bless ~
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